Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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