I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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