Michael Bay diarrhea
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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