Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
