Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
