I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my liver is dry heaving
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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