i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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