This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
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Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize