Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
