when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
