Her vagina should come with caution tape.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
