how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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