im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
