alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
