If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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