he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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