There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
