I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
