I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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