hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
