We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
