i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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