I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
