coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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