Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I need water and some morals
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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