You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Randomize
