My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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