Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
