grandma shit on top of the toilet
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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