In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
