just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You did what with his pubic hair?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
