I didn't shave. On purpose
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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