john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize