Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
