What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Less talking, more tequila
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
