dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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