at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
tell me about the fingering
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