I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
