I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
