Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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