She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
