we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
