Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
