After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
