I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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