And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
