"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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