Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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