i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
