There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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