i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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