I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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