My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
