btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
