I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you win again, gameday.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
