thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
