Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
