her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
