So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
