so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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