saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
