He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
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There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
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I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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