Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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