I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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