heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
