A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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