I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
