i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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