I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
