Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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