you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
