y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Your dad touched me again.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
