I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
