we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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